Musings on Motivation
One of the concerns raised about unschooling is the thought that we might be raising selfish, self-centred, undisciplined people.
Motivation and desire are strongly linked. When I want to do something, it is so easy to do it. But what about the things I don't really want to do, but should do? Like chores....?
There are intrinsic motivators and extrinsic motivators.
Intrinsic motivators are internal, and specific to the person. They may be hard to define - the person may find it hard to explain why they do what they do - but they are extremely powerful. They result in self-motivation.
Extrinsic motivators are imposed from outside, eg rewards, prizes, punishments and imposed consequences - negative and positive. Extrinsic motivators are also powerful, but they are limited in that they only work when they are present. Which means that the person will not do the desired action unless they are made to do it by someone else - that is, unless it becomes intrinsically motivated in some way.
Many adults believe that children will not do the 'right' thing without an extrinsic motivation. There is some truth in this.
A good example is that of brushing teeth. Very few small children willingly and spontaneously brush their teeth - they might do so once or twice in imitation of the adults around them, but they don't usually form the habit of brushing their teeth without encouragement. However, most adults do brush their teeth, and they just do so, without thinking about it or making a conscious choice each day to do so. Tooth-brushing has become a habit.
Habits are intrinsic motivations that have become so normal that one no longer thinks about them or has to make choices to do them.
The question unschoolers dare to ask, and test, is whether children will do the things that they need to do and should do without being forced to do them.
The truth is that both children and adults struggle with motivation at times. And that both children and adults find useful and effective ways of helping themselves to do the things they should do.
Looking at my own life, I find myself struggling at times with a sense of apathy, and inertia, even with regard to things that I like to do. It can be hard to motivate myself.
I have very few extrinsic motivators at play - most of my motivations are intrinsic and personal. However, sooner or later I do find myself doing the things I need to do. For example, I might ignore the messy kitchen for a few hours, but after a while I will go in there and tidy it up. I think the same is true of children.
Having said that, there are times when I ask the children to do specific things, and there are times when I use extrinsic motivators, even though I prefer to see the children developing their own, intrinsic motivations. I do this because there are things that I want and that are not important to them, and I do not yet have the patience or the degree of trust I need to leave them to do it when they are ready. An example would be me wanting the dirty clothing to be put in the wash basket rather than on the floor of their bedrooms! Sandra Dodd has interesting thoughts on the issue of chores. I confess that I have struggled a lot with these ideas, because it was always important to me to have a tidy house, but I needed help from the children to have it that way.
The truth is that, the greater my vested interest in getting the other person to do what I want, the harder it becomes for me to trust them - and thus the greater the likelihood that I will use an external motivator to make them do what I want. I think this is true of every human being. The responsibility we have as parents is to be aware of this potential and to have the honesty and integrity we need to ask thoughtful questions about why we acting in a certain way, and about what we are doing, and to explore the possibility of a better way - this is mindful parenting. We begin shaping the family by first shaping ourselves.
There is also an important tension between our desire to give the children freedom to discover their own way, and the responsibility we have to help them fit into our society and community. We do them no favours if we do not help them internalize a sense of what is socially acceptable - our customs, mores, values and principles. And as Christians, we have a clear mandate to teach them God's ways of living life.
One very important point to remember is that extrinsic motivators get in the way of the development of intrinsic motivators, and that children who did not develop intrinsic motivators for a task will certainly stop doing it if the extrinsic motivator is removed. That is unless they have been so intimidated and controlled by fear that they have lost their sense of having options and personal choice. I hope none of us fail to understand that this kind of damaging domination is a very tragic thing to do to another human being!
Often, the best kind of motivation for life is found in the process of living it.
If we are willing to allow the children the time and the opportunity to learn through experience, they will choose effective ways to function. But these ways might not be our ways, and we will have to make peace with that. My student son tumble dries his washing and then leaves it lying in a basket in his room, taking clothing from it to wear when he needs it. He maintains that it is a waste of time folding clothing that he intends to unfold and wear soon again anyway. I argue that it gets creased that way, but he doesn't agree. I am forced to admit that he doesn't look untidy when he goes out, so his rather unorthodox system is working for him. Things may change if he ever needs to wear work clothes rather than jeans and t-shirts, but at this stage, he sees no reason to adjust his ways. Sometimes I fold his washing for him. He smiles and tells me that he really appreciates it, but that it is not necessary.
I have found that the children are willing to do hard and unpleasant tasks if they can see the purpose. For example, there are many cold dark winter mornings when the girls go out, without complaint, to care for the ponies, break the ice in their water buckets, and muck out their stables. They do this because they love their ponies, and want them to be comfortable and happy.
Compassion and empathy are the qualities that undermine selfishness. And when we connect with the needs and struggles of others, we become willing to help them. I have seen this again and again. My younger daughters and I went to Brazil with Horses for Orphans, where for three weeks we worked very hard, teaching horsemanship, teaching English, taking care of horses, and helping with various tasks to do with H4O projects. There was no re-numeration or obvious reward for the huge investment of time and effort, but the girls worked as hard as any adult, and without a word of complaint.
If we have visitors coming to stay, the children help to prepare our home for their coming. They enjoy the thought of making people welcome and sharing our lovely life with them for a while. With regard to cleaning, these days, they are more efficient than me. Which is rather amusing!
Ultimately it is a sense of belonging; of being a contributor to the well-being of a group of loved people; and of having a sense of purpose and value that is the strongest, most powerful, most sustained motivation for life. This is the most intrinsic kind of motivation of all - very personal and very unique to each person.
Motivation and desire are strongly linked. When I want to do something, it is so easy to do it. But what about the things I don't really want to do, but should do? Like chores....?
There are intrinsic motivators and extrinsic motivators.
Intrinsic motivators are internal, and specific to the person. They may be hard to define - the person may find it hard to explain why they do what they do - but they are extremely powerful. They result in self-motivation.
Extrinsic motivators are imposed from outside, eg rewards, prizes, punishments and imposed consequences - negative and positive. Extrinsic motivators are also powerful, but they are limited in that they only work when they are present. Which means that the person will not do the desired action unless they are made to do it by someone else - that is, unless it becomes intrinsically motivated in some way.
Many adults believe that children will not do the 'right' thing without an extrinsic motivation. There is some truth in this.
A good example is that of brushing teeth. Very few small children willingly and spontaneously brush their teeth - they might do so once or twice in imitation of the adults around them, but they don't usually form the habit of brushing their teeth without encouragement. However, most adults do brush their teeth, and they just do so, without thinking about it or making a conscious choice each day to do so. Tooth-brushing has become a habit.
Habits are intrinsic motivations that have become so normal that one no longer thinks about them or has to make choices to do them.
The question unschoolers dare to ask, and test, is whether children will do the things that they need to do and should do without being forced to do them.
The truth is that both children and adults struggle with motivation at times. And that both children and adults find useful and effective ways of helping themselves to do the things they should do.
Looking at my own life, I find myself struggling at times with a sense of apathy, and inertia, even with regard to things that I like to do. It can be hard to motivate myself.
I have very few extrinsic motivators at play - most of my motivations are intrinsic and personal. However, sooner or later I do find myself doing the things I need to do. For example, I might ignore the messy kitchen for a few hours, but after a while I will go in there and tidy it up. I think the same is true of children.
Having said that, there are times when I ask the children to do specific things, and there are times when I use extrinsic motivators, even though I prefer to see the children developing their own, intrinsic motivations. I do this because there are things that I want and that are not important to them, and I do not yet have the patience or the degree of trust I need to leave them to do it when they are ready. An example would be me wanting the dirty clothing to be put in the wash basket rather than on the floor of their bedrooms! Sandra Dodd has interesting thoughts on the issue of chores. I confess that I have struggled a lot with these ideas, because it was always important to me to have a tidy house, but I needed help from the children to have it that way.
The truth is that, the greater my vested interest in getting the other person to do what I want, the harder it becomes for me to trust them - and thus the greater the likelihood that I will use an external motivator to make them do what I want. I think this is true of every human being. The responsibility we have as parents is to be aware of this potential and to have the honesty and integrity we need to ask thoughtful questions about why we acting in a certain way, and about what we are doing, and to explore the possibility of a better way - this is mindful parenting. We begin shaping the family by first shaping ourselves.
There is also an important tension between our desire to give the children freedom to discover their own way, and the responsibility we have to help them fit into our society and community. We do them no favours if we do not help them internalize a sense of what is socially acceptable - our customs, mores, values and principles. And as Christians, we have a clear mandate to teach them God's ways of living life.
One very important point to remember is that extrinsic motivators get in the way of the development of intrinsic motivators, and that children who did not develop intrinsic motivators for a task will certainly stop doing it if the extrinsic motivator is removed. That is unless they have been so intimidated and controlled by fear that they have lost their sense of having options and personal choice. I hope none of us fail to understand that this kind of damaging domination is a very tragic thing to do to another human being!
Often, the best kind of motivation for life is found in the process of living it.
If we are willing to allow the children the time and the opportunity to learn through experience, they will choose effective ways to function. But these ways might not be our ways, and we will have to make peace with that. My student son tumble dries his washing and then leaves it lying in a basket in his room, taking clothing from it to wear when he needs it. He maintains that it is a waste of time folding clothing that he intends to unfold and wear soon again anyway. I argue that it gets creased that way, but he doesn't agree. I am forced to admit that he doesn't look untidy when he goes out, so his rather unorthodox system is working for him. Things may change if he ever needs to wear work clothes rather than jeans and t-shirts, but at this stage, he sees no reason to adjust his ways. Sometimes I fold his washing for him. He smiles and tells me that he really appreciates it, but that it is not necessary.
I have found that the children are willing to do hard and unpleasant tasks if they can see the purpose. For example, there are many cold dark winter mornings when the girls go out, without complaint, to care for the ponies, break the ice in their water buckets, and muck out their stables. They do this because they love their ponies, and want them to be comfortable and happy.
Compassion and empathy are the qualities that undermine selfishness. And when we connect with the needs and struggles of others, we become willing to help them. I have seen this again and again. My younger daughters and I went to Brazil with Horses for Orphans, where for three weeks we worked very hard, teaching horsemanship, teaching English, taking care of horses, and helping with various tasks to do with H4O projects. There was no re-numeration or obvious reward for the huge investment of time and effort, but the girls worked as hard as any adult, and without a word of complaint.
If we have visitors coming to stay, the children help to prepare our home for their coming. They enjoy the thought of making people welcome and sharing our lovely life with them for a while. With regard to cleaning, these days, they are more efficient than me. Which is rather amusing!
Ultimately it is a sense of belonging; of being a contributor to the well-being of a group of loved people; and of having a sense of purpose and value that is the strongest, most powerful, most sustained motivation for life. This is the most intrinsic kind of motivation of all - very personal and very unique to each person.
